v 1.0- December 1996- Homeboy Software --- Master Slack
Gameplay- Open the game... pet the Lobster. Contemplate life and the Zen qualities of the Lobster. Pet the Lobster some more. Quit disgustedly and send us e-mail about how much you hate us for making you download this large of a program that is dedicated to nothing but petting a lifeless lobster, why? no reason really.
How to contact us/me:
email:
Homeboy@eotd.com
snail mail:
Homeboy Software
601 16th st. #C-240
Golden, CO 80401
Here is a really long story about how this game came about:
Note: If you are easily offended or under the legal age of consent in your home country, please don't tell your parents and get all kinds of evil, suit-wearing people on us for the following story. It's late at night and everyone is feeling strange- don't knock it.
Back at the end of last year or the begining of this year I began to get a whole bunch of stuff that I really didn't need. One of these things was my Wang. It was a big Wang and a heavy Wang... and it required two people to carry it. Not that my Wang wasn't nice and not that everyone didn't like it... but no one could really use it- at least the way it was supposed to be used. After many attempts to get the Wang up, it was decided that it should just sit around and have stuff piled on top of it. The Wang really didn't like this situation... it yearned for the warm, dark, and dry (!) places where it could roam freely (it was a grassland Wang, what can I say?). Anyway, I only paid about $25 for my Wang and really didn't care what it did, BUT, it did make a good conversation piece. Here's a sample:
Me: "Have you seen my Wang?"
Person: Look of sheer terror
Me: "Yeah- it's right over here under this pile of rusty nails, but it's heavy and doesn't move much, come see"
Person: Looking for way out of ROOM OF DEATH (thunder, lightning effects)
Me: "Aww man, the Wang has some kind of jellied goo all over it... Who was playing with the Wang?"
Roomate: "What is it?"
Me: "I dunno"
Roomate: "Taste it"
Person: "uhhhhh"
Me: "You know, my Wang takes two people to lift it, just try and pick it up!"
Roomate: "Yeah, I'll betcha our Wang is bigger than yours"
Person: "I don't have one"
Both: "You DON'T have a WANG?" (hysterical laughter)
Anyway, after a while no one would come by to see our Wang and very few people who did made it out alive. And those who did make it out alive never came back. So we needed some new piece of conversation. We stole a deer head but when we posted it on a local mountain with a big flag, someone stole it (again). So instead... I brought my plastic lobster from home (yes, I have a plastic lobster. If I had a real lobster my chickens would eat it) It really was a good looking lobster, painted by a professional for sure. So now when people (both living and dead) would appear in our room, someone would ask them if they wanted to pet our lobster. (which reminds me of another story- There's this guy in our basement that looks JUST LIKE SATAN! I mean, all he needs are horns and Damn! if he wouldn't be Satan himself. Good old Lucifer living below us and surfacing only for lunch, dinner, and the occasional goat sacrifice. Satan doesn't say much, only requesting the occasional virgin for sacrifice and occasionally causing bad weather in our immediate vicinity. Satan does not pay rent.) Back to the lobster. The average Lobster Petting conversation went like this-
Me: "Would you like to pet my Lobster"
Person: "uhhhhh"
Me: "It's real wood... I mean plastic... uhhh sorry"
Roomate: "painted by slave labor in such countries where said slave labor exists"
Person: "ummmm"
After lots of ummming and uhhhing the person usually relented and began to pet my lobster. I was of course happy. Most people found that by petting the lobster long enough, a zen-like state of enlightenment was attained. This state was usually interupted by the frequent welding and explosive experiments conducted around the place. Soon enough the lobster petting grew popular enough so that we posted flyers around advertising it to the world. People who were in charge (and totally misunderstood the whole lobster petting phenomenon) took down these flyers almost as fast as we could get 'em up. Soon Lobster Petting came to a halt. No more posters were produced. The Universe had entered a dark age. So this is why this game has come into being- The Lobster Petting age of our local area is over... now it must begin somewhere else anew!!!!
visit our homepages for more hilarious hijinks with the Homeboy crew:
http://www.eotd.com/homeboy/
http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Alley/8069/
This program was entirely programmed by Master Slack.
Help from: Korn, Static Void, Grandma the Waitron, Frank Zappa the Restaurant Owner, every employee at our local Bowling Alley, People who haven't marveled at my trousers, Some people I don't know, Iron Claw, Icedragon the webpageman, Dr. Pepper, Nurse Salt, The Burger King and the Burger Lackey, Green Buddha software (producers of C4... it's out there, look for it), AT&T, Darth Vader, Esmerelda the Nose Fairy, The current owners of my stolen arm hair, people in Japan and Germany who are nice enough and don't speak enough English to know we suck, certain people who shall remain nameless, my PTA, Zorro, monkeys and all their splendor, Sea Monkeys and all they offer to the world, and last but not least to the people who don't deserve this, even though you may say this millions of times, it's true!!! It's allllll Truuuuuue!!!!!
